


The Jared, J2, NC-17

by meus_venator



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Crack, Fairy Tale Curses, Fairy Tale Style, Humor, J2, M/M, Magic, Rating: NC17, Transformation, curse, dildo!Jared, hurt!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 05:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2297651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meus_venator/pseuds/meus_venator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is a bad boy prince. Love 'em and leave 'em. Loves to deflower all the pretty princesses. Well turns out, one of them was under the protection of a powerful witch and she punishes Jared by turning him into something far more useful than a philandering prince.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jared, J2, NC-17

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinkyheels (MorrPhyc)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorrPhyc/gifts).



> **Title:** [The Jared](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/69125.html)  
>  **Author:** [](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile)[**meus_venator**](http://meus-venator.livejournal.com/)  
>  **Beta:** [](http://fufaraw.livejournal.com/profile)[**fufaraw**](http://fufaraw.livejournal.com/)  
>  **Genre:** SPN RPS  
>  **Pairings:** Jared/Jensen  
>  **Rating:** NC-17  
>  **Warnings, kinks & contents:** inanimate object!Jared, dildo!Jared  
>  **Length:** 9,700 words  
>  **Written for:** [](http://kinkyheels.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://kinkyheels.livejournal.com/)**kinkyheels**  
>  **Disclaimer:** Lies, all lies, this story is not intended to resemble anyone living or dead, and no offense is intended, especially not to two underwear models who are happily married.
> 
>  **Prompt:** Jared is a bad boy prince. Love 'em and leave 'em. Loves to deflower all the pretty princesses. Well turns out, one of them was under the protection of a powerful witch and she punishes Jared by turning him into something far more useful than a philandering prince.  
> 

: : :

Jared the Fair gazed critically at himself in his gold framed mirror. He tossed his head back in a carefully practiced gesture designed to show off his long luxuriant locks to best advantage. Then he allowed a slow, artless smile to spread across his face. Satisfied with the results, he threw in a small laugh, dimples on full display as his gaze traveled up and down his reflection, his eyes narrowing slightly, in a look of feigned interest.

Perfect, just perfect. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Jared snorted and handed the mirror off to one of his attendants, snapping his fingers. His head manservant rushed to his side, head bowed.

“Travis, I'll wear the green silk tonight.”

“But sire, you told me earlier you wanted the red, we’ve been….”

The fingers of Jared’s hand stilled where he had been running them through his hair. His mouth tightened perceptibly and he allowed his features to show his displeasure. Travis swallowed and backed hastily toward the door. “As you command sire. I’ll – I’ll go advise the staff of the change of plan.”

“You do that. And send Tris in, I’m in need of a little relief before the gala begins.”

Bobbing his head without looking up again, Travis scurried from the room. Jared’s lip lifted in a sneer as he watched his manservant leave, his good mood soured. Deviant oaf! Weren’t his kind at least supposed to be good at clothing selection? Did Jared have to do everything himself?

Jared had seen Travis' lustful gaze follow that stable boy as he led Jared’s stallion to the royal barns. He had heard through his various favorites how Travis preferred to have the stable boy's cock buried in him, than bury his own in some toothsome wench.

“Out! All of you, out!” Jared roared as his cock began to press uncomfortably against his codpiece. Certainly not because of the image of Travis being swived by the brawny stable boy.

Jared shuddered in distaste, how had he ever let his father talk him into taking Travis on as his personal manservant when he’d reached his majority? Just because he had been a gift from the King of Singer didn’t mean Jared had to be stuck with him.

To be honest though, he had been grateful for the man’s cool thinking when the Tangarian Princess had passed out from fear of her father’s retribution after Jared had taken her maidenhead. Suffice to say Travis had been quite efficient that time. The Princess had been spirited off and deposited in her carriage in record time, with a vial of lambs blood to hide her lost virtue on the night of her true nuptials before her father even had a chance to suspect her absence. Travis had even promised to tell her father what a harlot she was if she carried through on her threat of revenge against Jared. Women were so pitifully easy to manipulate.

With that happy thought Jared re-adjusted himself in his chair as he contemplated the coming evening’s entertainment. His father was hosting a lavish ball to welcome the King of Wendover and his Queen, here to negotiate a trade for some of Padaleckia’s much coveted hoard of dragon scales, fabled to have transformative powers in the right hands. The evening would be made up mostly of boring speeches and a million toasts to the health of his father and that of the king of Wendover. The true prize would be at the end of the evening, when Jared was free to prowl the dance floor and assess for himself each of the Kings three daughters.

All were of marriageable age, and all were rumored to be quite beautiful, and equally virtuous. Before his father’s treaty was struck, Jared planned to have sampled each of their virtues for himself.

Huffing out a breath, he strode to his bed chambers and threw himself into the nest of cushions Travis had probably spent hours arranging. Propping his hands behind his head, he awaited Tris’ arrival.

“You called for me my lord?” Tris’ dulcet tones floated into the room and wrapped themselves around Jared’s cock. He could feel himself hardening as she sauntered over to the bed and, hitching up her skirts, crawled up the length of his legs to his crotch. Jared reached down and tugged on the laces holding his codpiece in place. His cock sprang free of the rigid leather and bobbed in the air in front of Tris’ face.

“I see I have my work cut out for me, my lord” Tris blew gently over Jared’s straining shaft.

“That you do wench, now get to it.”

: : :

Grinding his straining erection into Tris’ face, Jared let out a sharp cry before shooting his load deep down her throat. It was the second time he’d come in the last hour. Still dressed, he had taken the girl's cunt, and now her mouth. Tris had grimaced as he’d shoved his cock roughly against her lips and pulled her close.

Jared’s big hand held the girl’s face tight to his crotch as the ripples of her throat had milked him of every last drop of his seed. When she had started to struggle, frantic for air, Jared had reluctantly shoved her off him with a long suffering sigh. It was so hard to get good help.

Gasping, the girl lay red faced and wheezing on the bed. Impatient, Jared used his booted foot to nudge her.

“I’m going to take a nap. I want you to keep me warm while I sleep. Wake me in an hour, I need to dress for the gala.”

“Yes sire,” Tris wheezed as she repositioned herself between Jared’s legs and took his still half hard cock between her lips to warm him during his sleep.

Already starting to doze off, Jared ran his hand through her hair with rough affection. “Such a good bitch, and one that actually knows her place.”

: : :

The gala had been as excruciatingly boring as expected. The only good thing about it was it had given Jared the time to observe the three princesses. He’d plucked the ripe cherries of over a dozen princesses by now, not to mention countless commoners. He had danced with each of Wendover’s three daughters and, bored by them all, drunk, and more than a little horny, he had made his decision by a toss of a coin.

Now holding the formerly innocent, eldest Wendover princess in his arms as he pushed her up and down, on his cock, his pleasure almost made the tedium of the rest of the evening worthwhile. The princess, Marlena, Matilda… Marilynn, or something, had tears running down her pink cheeks, but that was to be expected for her first time. It took a while to train a lass to his pleasure. And he wasn’t a monster, he did have some small sympathy for the fair haired princess. He wasn’t the biggest cock in the realm, he’d heard rumors about his father’s girth and length, after all, but he was no stripling lad in the size department himself. He imagined it must be hard for the girl's virgin cunny to take him all in. Maybe her ass would have been a better first cherry to take, he mused. All in all though, his plan had worked flawlessly, as expected.

“Thank you sire, thank you, you’ve saved me, thank you so much…” the hiccupping sobs had given way to this recurring chant. Whispered as it was by her scream shot voice, it was at least tolerable. He preferred it to gagging the girl, after all he might want use of her mouth after this.

“Hush lass, it’s no trouble at all. As the future leader of this kingdom it’s imperative that I come to the aid our imperial neighbors whenever I see evil at work. It’s unfortunate that you had no knowledge of your own witchy nature. Unchecked, your spells could have rained havoc upon the unsuspecting men of your city. I take it as my duty to help combat this evil. Exorcising the spell is the only way to be rid of it.”

Jared captured one bobbing nipple in his mouth and bit down gently. The princess cried out, her hands fluttering as she battled to keep hold of Jared’s shoulders as directed, and Jared licked and suckled at the tender tidbit. Releasing the tormented flesh, Jared smiled cruelly.

“I see much work remains to be done. Your arousal at my touch only proves that there is still much magic inside you to be rid of. I knew you needed help when I first beheld you and my shaft started to harden immediately, a sure sign of a fledgling witch at work. It was easy to see that you had cast your spell on me, egging me on with your beauty and your teasing, tempting ways.” Jared turned his attention to the other nipple and laved it vigorously while the Princess moaned and ground herself down upon Jared’s shaft.

“It’s my hope that over the course of the next few days we can cure you completely, so that your father need never learn of your witchy ways.” Jared moved his hand from the girl’s hip and reached around, to work two long digits in her ass. The princess squeaked in shock at the rough intrusion.

“See, such a lustful response could have you stoned or burned at the stake. At the very least, if your father were to learn of your slutty ways, he’d have you shipped off to a convent to pray for your sinful soul, after having given you a sound thrashing. Just be thankful that I am a kind man, and willing to help work this magic out of you before it grows stronger. With luck, if we work hard and diligently enough on your problem, there is no need for your good father to know, and we may even cure you for good.”

“Oh God, please … I’ll do anything you want, I don’t want to be a witch, just please don’t tell my father.”

“Very well, then.” Jared gave the girl a mournful look, “but the spell you’ve cast is incredibly strong and it may take all of my might and cunning to wear it down.”

The princess winced as Jared thrust into her with particular enthusiasm. Gurgling with pleasure, it took the princess a moment to reply, “Anything my lord, please, just let this remain between us.”

Jared the Fair nodded solemnly, and bowed his head, effectively hiding his sly smile.

: : :

“For Shame!”

Jared woke to the sharp sting of a slap across his bare ass.

Eyelids springing open he sat up and tried to focus on the blurry figure in front of him.

“For Shame, my lord”

Jared shook his head and blinked, bringing the diminutive red haired figure before him into focus. A woman in an eye-popping dress made of stripes of several clashing patterns, all dyed a brilliant green, stood by his bed, her hands on her hips, a look of outrage on her face.

“How dare you invade my rooms? I am a son of the realm! Be gone, wench, before I call the guards,” Jared roared.

“You sir, are an ass. Raping this fair maid as you have done, and convincing her it was her own fault. For shame.”

Jared’s hand swept the sheets beside him and found that his most recent bed partner, Marlena, Matilda… or Marilynn, was gone. His gaze swept the room and he spied the princess, huddled behind the harridan, wrapped in a white sheet, effectively explaining why Jared’s bare ass was presently on view.

Continued muttering in the room brought Jared’s attention back to the redhead as she continued to rant.

“I knew spending any amount of time in this time period would piss me off. First, there’s the horrible plumbing, then there are the arrogant, misogynistic assholes like this I have to deal with. Then there’re the lousy undercover options, stuck playing governess to three clueless innocents. Thank goodness the treaty was struck and I’ll have my shipment tonight. I don’t think I could take a minute more of this insufferable ass. Speaking of ass. I think the only suitable punishment for this one is to treat him like an ass.”

Jared was growing angry. How dare this small snip of a woman speak about him this way? Outraged, Jared rose to his feet by the side of the bed, careless of the fact that with the bed sheets gone everything was exposed to view.

The little woman stopped speaking and crossed her arms, pursing her lips. She stared thoughtfully at his cock, still large even as it hung flaccid between his legs. Then her lips curled in a mischievous smile.

“Hmm maybe not so much of an ass as a cock, a too arrogant cock. Well I think it’s time you learned how used a cock can feel.

Jared had no time to react before a spell, a real spell was pouring from the witches lips.

“ _φҀδ Shaziraz rah ϡϣѦ, shazira zenda ∆∂∑ compala zah!_ ”

Stretching out her hand, she blew a handful of sparking dust at him and the room shimmered. Jared found himself shrinking, smaller and smaller. He fell back upon the bed as he continued to shrink. He tried to reach out, but his body wasn’t responding to his commands and then everything went black.

: : :

When he awoke he found himself in a completely different room. He could see in all directions at once but he could not seem to look down at himself. He also couldn’t seem to feel his body. Whatever spell the witch had cast on him, made it seem as if he had become some disembodied head. The other odd thing he noticed was that he couldn’t close his eyes, not even to blink, or at least not without concentrating very hard. His new field of vision seemed to go a full 360 degrees.

Concentrating on the area ‘in front of him’ he quickly came to the conclusion that the witch must have been spirited off to some giant’s lair because the area he was held captive seemed to be a shelf, but just one of many several rows above the sparkling tile floor.

The sun was just rising as Jared gazed around his new surroundings. He was perplexed to find the shelf he was on was full of long, oddly shaped implements, some in bright festive colours, some black or grey, but all long and pointed with broad bases. On other shelves across from him were boxes with various images painted on them that Jared assumed represented their contents. Some had vividly illustrated large breasts on them while others showed images of gags or horses' bits. Some even had men’s genitalia on them. One wall had a full assortment of whips, paddles, and chains.

What fresh hell had the witch brought him to? Some place where giants traded in men’s parts and sold them by the piece? Was that before or after they tortured them? What kind of place was this, that seemed part dungeon and part mercantile?

Completely perplexed, Jared turned his attention to the large window behind him. It must indeed be a very wealthy giant who owned the shop where Jared was captive, in order to afford such a huge piece of glass. His father had only owned several much smaller pieces of glass that he had installed in his mother’s solar.

Beyond the glass was a world like nothing Jared had ever seen. Buildings stretching toward the sky far higher than anything ever seen in his kingdom. They filled the street. And instead of the usual dirt road, the street was covered in some smooth black surface, and horseless carriages zipped past at unbelievable speeds. Giants roamed the street on foot as well, much more normally proportioned than giants of Jared’s acquaintance. Beautiful, handsome giants in unfamiliar garb talking into slim square objects held up to their faces.

Jared tried to shake his head but it was no use.

It was almost a relief when it started to rain, the splashing drops blurring the dizzying view of the road. A brightly garbed giant in brilliant pink with some kind of covering to keep out the rain walked by the glass. The front door of the shop jiggled and a bell tinkled in warning as the door swung open.

If Jared could have, his eyes would have opened wider when the rain shielding device was shaken and folded away to reveal the bright red haired witch of his earlier encounter.

”Ahh, so wet. Morning fellows! Good sleep everyone?”

To Jared’s shock and surprise many of the implements around him began to wobble or vibrate, as if in greeting.

This was madness, Jared was certain.

The witch removed her bright pink covering to expose an equally lurid striped purple and red dress beneath, while muttering, “I know you’re curious about the new guy and I’ll introduce you, but I just need to get some caffeine in me first.”

And with the swing of a curtain, the witch disappeared beyond view at the back of the building. Some time later a delicious scent wafted through the air and the witch returned to the main room sipping from a delicate china cup held in her hand. She strolled through the store touching and rearranging this or that item until finally she came and stood directly in front of Jared.

Jared realized something must be seriously wrong, because the witch he had met before barely came up to his chest, now suddenly she was at eye level with him–and he was on a shelf! Had she truly cut off his head and set it here on this shelf, it would explain his inability to move.

With a wry grin, the witch gestured theatrically toward him. “So everyone, I want you to meet Jared. Jared, meet everyone. Much like the rest of you, Jared is here in my store because in his previous life, he was a douchey ass. So now as punishment, he’s our newest dildo.”

The witch reached toward and clasped him around his middle. There was a sucking plop sound as she pulled, and he suddenly came free of the shelf. “I imagine you’re curious what you look like, now. Come on and take a look.” The witch carried him through the air toward a large glass. Stretching her arms out in front of her she presented a large pink cock shaped object to the glass.

“So now, this is you.” If Jared the Fair had had eyebrows anymore, they would have been raised clear off his head. The witch shook him and he jiggled, and the large bright pink towering penis shaped blob in the mirror jiggled too. Struth! She had bewitched him.

“You see Jared, a long time ago I got sick of men manipulating and abusing women. So now when I see them doing it, I put my skills to work and turn them into something more useful. You, sir, are now a rather impressively large dildo, and when someone finally chooses you and takes you home, you’ll find a new home in their ass. An ass providing another ass pleasure, seems pretty fitting to me.

And don’t worry, you won’t age or grow old or get hungry, you’ll forever be this fine pink silicone triumph to engineering, always ready to serve someone more deserving than you. And while you’re doing it, you can think about all the poor women you wronged over the years.

If Jared could have swallowed he would have, but instead he was trapped staring into the burning brown gaze of the witch as his pink frosted surface seemed to shiver and contract.

“Oh, I’m Charlie, and you’re now for sale in the Cocklate factory.”

: : :

It took him a while to adjust to his new life.

At first he thought he might go insane, experiencing frequent blackouts and panic attacks, but consciousness always returned. He watched through the years as Charlie’s Cocklate factory changed shape and appearance and even location as the witch moved her business from place to place, usually while he and the other dildos and the butt plugs slept. He learned that most of the others here were also enchanted, some small few were exactly as they appeared, simple plastics, but most were men that Charlie had witnessed in her travels doing one wrong or another.

As Jared sat on his shelf, suctioned firmly in place, he had much time to consider the error of his ways. He also developed a grudging respect for Charlie and her sense of fairness. Charlie, as it turned out, was a good witch (for the most part, present company excluded) and roamed the corridors of time in search of Dragon scales and Pegasus feathers and harpy’s claws to make better and better potions.

Jared also had a lot of time to see the many different ways people sought their pleasure. Like the mild mannered businessman who came to Charlie for bondage gear, or the soft-spoken nurse who wanted a strap-on to please her new girlfriend. Or the forty-something married couple who wanted a Chinese chair to spice up their sex life. There appeared to be so many paths to pleasure. But none for Jared, because year after year, Jared was passed by and overlooked by the many and sundry visitors to Charlie’s shop. Many of his contemporaries had been chosen and taken off to good homes, but Jared remained alone and lonely on the top shelf.

After a while, even Charlie started to feel sorry for him, as he was one of the last transformed men left in the shop. (Charlie having long since moved on to cursing the men with small penises rather than a full on transformation, far less cumbersome and the market for dildos and butt plugs had slowed since the bullet vibrators and cock rings had taken over the markets. Fads! Who could keep ahead of them?)

Charlie would reach up and trail her finger up the big prominent vein on the front of his mold and Jared would shiver at being touched. He was as lonely for touch as he was for conversation. When your biggest thrill in the last year was when the cleaner drifted her feather duster over you, you knew you were pretty far gone.

“It’s okay Jared, you’re just a little big and intimidating, but just you wait and see, one day someone will buy you and take you home with them.”

Jared began to wonder what happened to the enscorceled men when they went home with their owners. What if things didn't work out? What if their owners hated them? Jared had seen the bags of trash stacked at the corner of the street, he couldn’t imagine the rest of eternity buried alive in a trash dump. He was so caught up in his frantic worrying that he almost missed the timid green-eyed man as he reached to take Jared down from the shelf.

A jolt of pleasure went through Jared as the man’s hand gripped him and he wriggled in his palm in pleasure. “Wow, you’re a big guy,” the man mumbled, a hint of Texas in his voice.

“Yes, he’s The Jared 3000.” Charlie appeared smoothly at the man’s side. “Twelve inches of cock that will never let you down. Said to have been formed in the likeness of a long dead prince, with a wide flared base and suction bottom, for maximum ease of use.”

“Um…” the man’s green eyes were downcast, an adorable blush filling his cheeks as he asked. “I’ve heard that some of the newer models have a jizz option so you can pump the jizz in.”

Charlie unblushing tutted that comment away. “A passing trend, and the bottles of fake jizz are a rip-off and super hard to clean. No, The Jared is one of the best dildos I have in the store, made of body safe plastic which is more than I can say for a lot of the other newer models.” Charlie eyed the customer up and down, taking in the faint bruises on his cheek and wrist. “Recent breakup?” She said in a commiserating voice.

The customer jerked in surprise. “How did you know?” He whispered, gazing furtively around at the mostly empty shop.

“I’m a good guesser.” Charlie smiled fondly. “And I think you need to take this puppy home with you. Give yourself a really good ride for a change, concentrate on your pleasure, not that asshat you were with.”

The green-eyed man tugged at his lower lip with his teeth and then, with a shaky toss of his head, muttered, “Hell, what have I got to lose? Write me up, lady.”

“Regular soap and water is best for cleaning. And water based lube won’t hurt the plastic.” Charlie winked conspiratorially as she wrapped Jared up and placed him in a large velvet pouch, at the last minute sprinkling a dusting of sparkling powder over him. “Good luck,” he heard her say before she started to whisper “ _φҀδ Shaziraz reh ϡϣѦ, shazira zanda ∆∂∑ compala zeh!_ ”

Before he knew it Charlie had closed the drawstring on the bag and was passing him off to his new owner. Partially muffled through the material of the bag Jared heard her say, “Oh by the way, I’m Charlie of Charlie’s Cocklate Factory.”

The green-eyed man let out a hearty laugh before offering, “Jensen. I’m Jensen Ackles, and thanks for the advice.”

“Oh take my word on it, I think The Jared will be very good for you.”

: : :

Maybe a smarter man would be worried, but if Jared could still breathe, he would be breathless with excitement as the green eyed man–no, Jensen–took him home. The prospect of exciting new scenery, out from the witches clutches, set Jared’s silicone to quivering.

What he didn’t quite expect when Jensen drew him gently out of his new velvet carry bag was to be plunged instantly under an icy stream of water. Unconsciously attempting to hold his breath, Jared looked up as Jensen pumped a steady stream of soap into his palm and dropped in the sink as the stream of water slowly heated.

“God knows how many people have touched you over the years. What was I thinking buying an unboxed sex toy?” Jensen muttered, shaking his head. Whatever else Jensen might have said was blocked out as Jared was again submerged in the sink, now full of warm, sudsy water and Jensen proceeded to soap up his every nook and cranny.

More than a little embarrassed but blissfully squeaky clean for the first time in years, it was with no small disappointment that still damp Jared found himself shoved back into his velvet bag and immediately stuffed inside a nightstand shelf.

Instead of better, things for Jared had now gotten infinitely worse. Instead of a view and interesting goings on, Jared was locked in a velvet bag in a dark drawer.

Jared’s only hope of escape seemed to be if Jensen decided to use him. Horrific as that sounded, life in a dark drawer was none too appealing, and Jared found himself wishing more and more desperately that Jensen would try him out.

So, his new ritual began. Maybe he’ll use me tonight when he gets home after work, Jared hoped. But night after night Jensen would return home and fall into bed without ever even opening the nightstand drawer.

As days and days went by without even a glimpse of green eyes peeking in at him, Jared fell into a funk. He started to wish, for the first time in many, many years, that Charlie had just struck him dead with her magic instead of turning him into this thing.

Worse than being left alone and untouched in the dark were the nights when Jared could hear Jensen crying, or the other nights when he heard the dry, rough slap of Jensen’s hand on his own cock as he tried to get himself off.

Strangely unhappy for his handsome new owner, Jared wriggled in discomfort inside his bag and did the only thing he could do…wait.

Finally one night, Jensen didn’t come home alone and Jared strained to hear the conversation in the other room.

“What do you mean I never satisfied you? I fucked you regularly.”

“Yeah, regularly, but did you ever help me get off?” Jensen’s voice sounded strained, hurt.

“Fuck baby, why didn’t you just say so? I would've got you off.”

Then came the sound of a hand hitting flesh. “Don’t touch me. Why do I need to tell you to pleasure me? It shouldn’t be that difficult, Hank.”

“Come on baby, don’t be that way. Let’s go in your room and I’ll show you how good I can be.”

Jared bristled at the sleaze tinged voice. _No, Jensen, don’t fall for that._ he cried, but of course Jensen couldn’t hear him.

The wet sounds of kissing and soft moans were his first clue that Jensen and Hank were in the room. Shoes dropped to the floor and then there was the sudden, creaking bounce of the bedsprings, and the wet slap of lube being applied.

“Careful Hank, careful. It’s been a while.” The soft murmur of Jensen voice.

“S’okay baby. Ughh.. you know you want it.”

“Fuck Hank, slow down, that hurts.”

Jared could hear the pain in Jensen’s voice.

The squelch of lube and a harsh grunt, “Hank, stop. Stop! I mean it.”

“Ughh… just. Oh fuck yeah, FUCK YEAH!… Hey, wait.”

Then the thump of a heavy body hitting the floor.

Jared froze listening for any clue of what had just happened.

“You selfish bastard. That’s the last time. Get out.”

“I was going to get you off baby, don’t think I wasn’t.”

“Get out Hank, before I call the police.”

“You fucking whiny bastard. No wonder you can’t find a job, you can’t do anything right.” Feet stomped through the apartment followed by the slam of the apartment door.

“Go fuck yourself, Hank.” Jensen muttered and Jared heard something crash against the wall and shatter.

Some time later Jared was jostled by the opening of the nightstand drawer. His velvet bag was hefted in the air and when it opened Jared caught a stark glimpse of Jensen’s tear stained face, freckles standing out in sharp contrast on his pale skin.

 _Don’t cry for that bastard Jensen, he’s not worth it._ Jared found himself muttering angrily. “Well at least you didn’t leave me, big guy,” Jensen crooned as he reached into the bag. It felt good to be held, Jensen’s strong fingers rubbing over his rubbery surface, fingertips carefully tracing the veins and ridges along his shaft and massaging under his broad molded crown. It had been so long since he had been touched this way. Jared shivered in pleasure at the delicious onslaught of sensation, undulating in Jensen’s hand as he warmed to his touch.

Mesmerized, Jared watched sharp white teeth dragging across the plush pink of his plump bottom lip as Jensen’s gaze darted guiltily around the bedroom. Jensen continued to rub absently along Jared’s length as he worried at his lip. Finally coming to some decision, he let out a shaky huff of breath, and Jared barely had time to think before Jensen’s head descended down over him. >Jared froze in shock as plush, pink lips as pretty as any girl's dragged over his mushroom head and swallowed him down. The quick swirl of Jensen’s tongue under the head of his crown before it was laving over his ridges as he took more and more of Jared inside his mouth.

Jared quivered. Concentrating hard, he ‘closed’ his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to luxuriate in the silky, wet slide of Jensen’s tongue as he bobbed up and down on Jared.

Jensen slurped and lapped at Jared enthusiastically, taking to his cock like a champ, and soon he was deep throating him like a pro. Caught in the warm moist embrace of Jensen’s mouth, Jared found it hard to be disgusted by the man’s touch. Honestly, in the dark cavern of Jensen’s mouth, it felt much the same as it had in any woman’s mouth. All Jared could think about was the silky, slip slide of Jensen’s tongue over his sides. He shivered in delicious pleasure as Jensen began to hum.

 _Oh bring it on brother. That’s right baby, just like that, suck me down good, sweetheart, you know you want to._ Jared wriggled in glee. _I can handle so much more of this._ Jared thought, only to have his hopes dashed by the lewd pop of Jensen’s mouth as he released him into the cool evening air, their only connection a thin line of saliva trailing from the tip of Jared’s cock to Jensen’s lip.

Jared wobbled mournfully in Jensen’s hand, waving his broad pink tip as close as he could to Jensen’s lips. _Come on, come on, come on, it felt so good. You know you want to lick me some more, just one little lick._ Jared was still man enough to acknowledge that after all these years languishing in obscurity on the witches shop shelves, he yearned for a little touch.

Jensen dropped him carelessly onto the bed cover and reached back inside the nightstand drawer. Jared heard the distinctive snap of the lube bottle cap.

Left lying on the blanket, Jared was fully prepared to watch the show. He firmly expected Jensen to start jacking himself, but instead Jensen leaned forward to kneel on the bed, bracing one hand on the headboard, his knees spread as his other hand reached back to start working himself open.

Jared was treated to a full view of Jensen’s ass, watching in stunned fascination as Jensen worked first one, then two, then three digits into his tiny furled entrance. The old Jared would have been shocked and disgusted, but after a thousand years on the store shelf, Jared had to admit to being just a bit interested in the view of Jensen’s pert pink ass stuck up in the air as freckled fingers disappeared in and out of his entrance.

What Jared wasn’t fully prepared for was for Jensen, sweat covered and flushed, to turn and scoop Jared up by the base.

 _No, no, no, no, no! Oh hell no,_ Jared raged uselessly as Jensen’s other hand pulled back the cheek of his ass so he could more easily line Jared up with the crinkled rim of his anus.

Jared railed and squirmed and found, much to his surprise, that he was able to move, after a fashion. Not enough to stop Jensen’s inevitable advance toward his poop chute, but enough that Jensen had to jab several times before Jared’s tip caught on Jensen’s rim.

Using all his powers of concentration Jared tried to will his eyes closed. He couldn’t watch, wouldn’t watch, as he was shoved past Jensen’s winking entrance to be enveloped by slick, pink walls of undulating flesh that pressed tightly against his crown.

It was just the tip, just the tip, just the tip, Jared chanted trying to calm himself as Jensen worked him in, but then Jensen managed to push him past the tough outer ring of muscle and Jared was suddenly sliding deep inside the heart of Jensen and plunged into total darkness.

If Jared had still had a heart it would have stopped by them but instead he was surrounded by warm clingy walls of flesh that moved! _EEeeewwwww He was in a dude! Not even just in a dude, like in his mouth or between his hands, he was in a dude’s ass!_ Frantic and in full on panic mode Jared twisted and turned in vain attempt to escape, only to end up freezing rigidly in place as Jensen began to moan. “Oh God, Jared!” _Oh fuck me!!!! No! He was making a dude moan. Making a dude moan because he was in his ass. And that was wrong, wrong, dirty, bad wrong!_ Jared started to twist and buck all over again.

“Son of a bitch,” Jensen shouted in pleasure holding Jared rigidly in place.

Jared had barely gotten over the shock of Jensen’s arousal cracked voice when the man started to rock Jared in and out of his opening.

As Jensen worked Jared in and out of his hole, flashes of light contrasted with moments of total all encompassing darkness as he was pressed deep into Jensen’s tight channel. _No, no, no, no, no!!!_ Jared continued to chant and he flashed back to all the princesses who had moaned and screamed in protest the very same way. Jensen’s pace became increasingly more frantic and Jared felt himself brush up against a hardish lump inside Jensen’s channel. Some instinct had Jared pressing back, expanding his silicone shell to push more strongly against the bump and was rewarded with Jensen’s wrecked moan of pleasure and the sound of frantic fapping of Jensen’s hand on his cock as Jared vibrated against him.

When Jensen finally came, his cries echoed in the room and he squeezed Jared so tight he thought he might have passed out for a moment.

When Jared was finally pulled free of Jensen’s ass there was a wet sucking sound and Jensen flopped down on his belly like a beached whale. In spite of himself Jared felt a bit ill. He thought of Travis and the stable boy he had been chasing so many years ago. Travis the deviant. So now that he had fucked Jensen did that make him any less deviant? Or were the rules for cursed dildos different?

Fucking Jensen, though, hadn’t been as terrible or painful as he had thought it would be. If he was totally honest with himself, a part of him liked hearing Jensen’s voice, gruff with arousal, as he shot his load on the bedsheets, thanks to Jared’s efforts.

Jared looked around and was greeted by Jensen’s concerned face as Jared was carried into the bathroom and plunged into warm soapy water. “Oh my God, I can’t believe that just happened.” Jensen growled, voice scream shot and hoarse. “Charlie sure the hell knew what she was talking about when she sold you to me, buddy. I haven’t come like that in forever. Fuck you Hank. I got The Jared now.” Jared didn’t let himself think too much about how good it was to have Jensen’s soapy hand rubbing over his pebbled finish, thumb digging into the groove under his head. It wasn’t that Jared felt any sexual arousal himself, it was simply that it felt good to be held, to do something nice for someone else, rather than simply watch life pass him by. When they returned to the bedroom, Jared, still damp and sweet smelling from his bath was fully prepared to be shoved into his velvet bag and stuffed in the nightstand drawer. Instead though, Jensen slammed him down onto the top of the night stand, engaging his suction cup bottom. Upon his release Jared swayed, bobbing back and forth until he finally came to rest standing sentinel beside the bed. Jensen smirked and gave Jared a wry grin before he slid between the sheets and flicked off the light. “I don’t need him. I can make it on my own.” Jensen whispered in the dark and Jared could see Jensen’s fingers clenching the bed sheets, in an effort to convince himself. _You sure don’t Jensen, cause now you’ve got me._ Jared crooned.

“Damn straight!”

Jensen mumbled in his sleep before drifting off.

: : :

It had taken a while to make things work between them, but now Jared was happy to say he was a regular part of Jensen’s life and sex life. Once he got over his freakout over having sex with a man, Jared now regularly experimented with new ways to get up close and personal with Jensen’s prostate. Hearing Jensen’s guttural moans of pleasure, the small, almost hurt sounds as Jared drove in and out of him made something inside Jared happier than he’d been in a long time. They made love two or three times a week, and often late at night even if they hadn’t had sex, Jensen would lie there with his freckled fingers fondling Jared absently as he mused out loud.

“Fuck Jay, who knew buying you would be such a huge turn on? I’ve had other toys, but man, Charlie was right, there’s an extra something special about you. It’s like you’ve got a prostate magnet on the tip of that plastic dick of yours. Maybe Chris was right, Hank really wasn’t good for me. He sure as hell never gave me a dicking like you do. Now if you’d only come just a bit bigger, like with mile long legs and a dimpled smile, I’d be a happy man. Instead I think maybe I’m going a little crazy here talking to my new dildo. But you love me, right?” Jensen chuckled, his eyes crinkling in a way that made Jared’s heart seem too large to fit. Jensen rolled over on his belly and rubbed along Jared’s ribbed sides.

“You know I’ve never really felt like I had a chance, like I could compete, but since Hank’s been gone, it’s like I’m a new man. I applied for that job I told you about at the Chronicle, and they actually called me back. I have an interview on Friday after my shift at the Buzz-shak.” Jensen grinned, his green eyes shining. “You’d never guess, but I used to be a good writer in College. But then mom died and dad got sick and I had to drop out to care for him. I never really got back in the groove, you know? But I loved writing. And scratching around at minimum wage, churning out latte’s is never going to get me anywhere.”

Jared hardily agreed and whispered in his ear that night that he was doing great. Jared was more than a little pissed to find out from Jensen later in the week that Hank had worked in the newspaper business but somehow was never able to help Jensen. Jared had a growing suspicion that Jensen’s lack of success had a direct correlation to Hank wanting to keep Jensen needy and dependent on him.

When Jensen’s first job interview didn’t work out, Jared took it upon himself to start whispering positive thoughts in Jensen’s ear, making suggestions for other places where he could apply. He realized that though he had been locked up in an adult store for the last hundred years, the varied customer base kept him well informed on current trends. For once, Jared actually had advice of value here. And even more interesting, the longer they were together the clearer Jensen seemed to hear Jared in his head. Jared would flutter a little in pleasure when Jensen would wake up the next morning having thought of a new idea or plan that was really Jared’s.

The strangest part of all was that Jared was okay with that. He liked Jensen, wanted to hear all about Jensen’s day and the new interviews he had landed. For the first time in his life he wanted to do all he could to make someone else’s life better. Jensen was his and he would do everything in his power to help the man.

: : :

They had been together just over a month when Jensen came home one afternoon in a surprisingly good mood. Whistling to himself he breezed into the bedroom. Loosening his tie he threw the loop end over Jared where he stood in his usual place on the nightstand.

“You’ll never guess who landed a new job today?”

Jared smiled, _I bet I could. How’d it go?_

“Jay, it was fucking awesome, I don’t know what came over me, but I was on fire. I rocked that interview. I had no expectations, I went in simply to meet with her, for the future, you know? But it turned out they’d just had a layoff and had done some shuffeling inside the department that left a position open. The woman at the Chronicle said she wouldn’t even bother posting an ad to fill it now. She wants me to start next week. How awesome is that, hey buddy?” Jensen reached out and fist bumped Jared so that he wobbled back and forth in agreement.

“Fucking A, man!” Jensen was practically beaming as he hung up his white dress shirt and shouldered into a grey Henley.

“Yeah, I can't really believe it myself. I guess some reporter was taking bribes and putting in falsified stories. He’s up on charges right now. Stupid bastard, but hey, his loss is my gain. Am I right?”

Jared loved the jaunty smirk on Jensen’s face and bobbed in agreement.

“I’m a bit nervous about working at the same paper as Hank, but I’m going to be in the editorial department, where he was always sports and entertainment. Enough about him, though.” Jensen shook his head and grinned saucily. “Hey, you know what that means don't’cha, it means me and my best boy are going do the beast with two backs tonight. We’re gonna get it on, my friend. I even picked up something new on my way home.” Jensen grabbed a new bottle of lube out of his suit jacket pocket and threw himself down on the bed. He beamed at Jared as he shook the bottle enticingly. “It says on the box that it warms to the touch.”

Jensen threw back his head in laughter, and Jared silently joined in.

Sudden harsh pounding on the door made Jensen jerk and drop the bottle.

“What the hell?” He jumped up from the bed yelling, “Hey take it easy, I’m fucking coming.”

Jared craned his long slender body as far as he could, but couldn’t see anything past the hallway wall of Jensen’s shabby little apartment. There was the distinctive clunk of the door's lock being thrown open and then a low bang as if it had been smashed up against the wall.

“Hank? What are you doing here? You’re not welcome here, man.” Jensen's voice was firmer and stronger than Jared had ever heard it when dealing with his boorish ex. Jared gloated in approval. _Attaboy, Jensen!_

“I heard what you fucking did!” a slurred drunken voice growled accusingly. “Fucking bastard, steal my job will you?”

“What the hell Hank, I said back off.” Sounds of crashing and breaking furniture and suddenly Jared could see two men wrestling in the hallway in front of the bedroom.

“I didn’t take your God damn job Hank. Oh fuck, were you the one they let go? Taking bribes? Seriously?”

“Can’t prove anything…” Hank lunged to his feet and staggered into the bedroom taking out the bedside light and knocking Jared to his side as he fell face first on the bed.

Hanks eye glowed with rage as he saw Jared lying on the nightstand.

“What the fuck is this? Are you fucking kidding me? Is this what you fucking replaced me with? A God damn twelve inch dildo. How fucking pathetic are you?” Hank snarled as he grabbed Jared up from the bed and waved him around in his hand.

Jared trembled with fury and tried to make his pebbly surface as sharp as possible.

Jensen glanced at Hank wide eyed and reached for the phone.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, Hank. You’re drunk and I’m calling the police. I’m not going to put up with your shit anymore,” Jensen said calmly as he turned toward the window to dial. “I can’t believe I put up with you for four years.”

Hank snarled and threw Jared to the floor. As Jared fell he saw Hank lean down and snatch up the bedside lamp lying broken on the floor, grasping it’s stand like a bat.

For a split second Jared lay there frozen, and then he was rolling, right toward Hanks’ heel. When the man leaned back to swing at Jensen’s head, his foot slipped and he went flying, his head connecting with the closet doors with an ominous thump. He slumped forward, his neck at a odd angle, and lay still. Jared heard a different kind of cracking sound as the full weight of Hanks foot came down on his ‘body’. Pain, unlike anything he had ever experienced ripped through him and everything started to go black. Jared gazed wildly around for one last glimpse of Jensen. At least now Jensen would be safe. At least Jared's death would mean something.

: : :

Hours later Jensen sat on his little loveseat in the small but neat main room of his little apartment as the detective asked him one more series of questions about the altercation. Finally satisfied, the man closed his notebook and he and his partner left the apartment. The place had been swarming with police for most of the evening and Jensen was exhausted. He was still in shock at the idea that Hank had tried to kill him. Hank had always been very physical, slapping and punching Jensen while they were together, but never anything close to this.

Jensen let out a shaky breath and followed the trail of destruction back to his bedroom. He chewed on his bottom lip as he entered, he hadn’t wanted the police to take Jared away, so he had quickly shoved the dildo back in his nightstand before the police arrived. Drunk as Hank had been, it was easy to believe he had tripped on his own – there was no need for the police to confiscate Jared.But Jensen couldn't help but fear the worst. He remembered the gaping tear in the lurid pink plastic, the ugly crack from Hank's heel along Jared's head.

With trembling hands he reached in the nightstand drawer and drew Jared out. Slumping to the edge of the bed Jensen examined the damage. It was worse than he expected. Jared was smashed beyond repair. Jensen didn’t know why he was so upset. Jared was just a plastic dildo after all. A very good one, but another visit to the Cocklate factory should easily replace him. Somehow that didn’t assuage his guilt and sadness. Ever since he had brought him home, something about Jared had signaled a sea change in Jensen’s life – a change for the better. How could one piece of plastic be responsible for all that? Somehow though, Jensen knew it was true.

A single tear rolled down Jensen’s cheek and splashed onto Jared’s torn pink surface. It was like losing a friend.

Squeezing his eyes tightly closed, Jensen huddled over the broken remains as more tears began to fall. Caught up in his sorrow, it took Jensen a moment to notice that Jared was growing warm in his hands. He blinked and looked down and Jared began to shimmer and glow, the outline of the dildo hard to see in the bright light. Jensen squinted as Jared became heavier. He turned quickly and eased him onto the bed and rose to step back as the glowing increased and seemed to encompass the room. Jensen should have been afraid, but somehow he wasn’t. The glow was now so bright it encompassed the bed, and Jensen could see nothing else. Finally in a bright clap of air and a brilliant flash, the room returned to normal.

In Jensen’s bed lay a completely naked man.

Jensen blinked and looked down in disbelief. “What the hell?”

Taller than Jensen, from what he could tell with long limbs and longish brown hair, the man moved, his long-fingered, beautiful hands reaching for his sides as he groaned in obvious pain.

Jensen knelt down beside the man, his own hands fluttering – he didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t every day a giant, naked sasquatch appeared in his bed. “Hey, hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, it's just – my side is killing me. Oh God, I thought he killed me.” Prismatic eyes fluttered open and the man moaned. He stared up at Jensen, concern in his expression. “At least you’re alright? And that asshat is dead.” The man shook his head, and Jensen had the eeriest feeling this man somehow knew him. “Hey, wait.” The man’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. “You just heard me… And I’m--me! Oh, my God, Jensen, I’m me.” The man started to touch his head and his hair and his chest, and he groaned when he tried to sit up too quickly.

Jensen took a step back from the bed. “I don’t know you… do I?”

Jensen’s heart was beating like a drum in his chest. He’d just gotten rid of one crazy man, only to be confronted by another.

The naked sasquatch laughed, “No, no, of course you don’t know me, because I wasn’t me, but now I am. My God, Jensen, I’m Jared. The Jared. Somehow you must have broken the witch's spell.”

Jensen took another step back, his eyes narrowing. “Jared was my dilldo, man. This isn’t funny. I’m going to call the police.” And for the second time that day, Jensen reached for the phone.

The sasquatch, Jared’s, hand shot out and grabbed Jensen by the wrist. “Wait, please wait. I can prove it. I really am Jared. I’ve been under a spell for a hundred years and you just broke it. We-we spent last Tuesday in bed and you came three times. You said you thought I was going to be the death of you.” Jensen continued to gaze at him as if he were insane. Maybe he was a peeping Tom neighbor. But the sasquatch continued.

“No wait, wait, something more important.” The man stuttered and gazed around before slapping his forehead. “Today! Of course today, you — you got a new job at the Chronicle, and we were celebrating, but Hank arrived. He had just been fired. He attacked you and I rolled under his heel to trip him. That’s all I remember until now. Is he gone… is it safe?”

Wide blue green eyes stared at Jensen in obvious concern and Jensen stood there frozen, staring back. It was insane, completely insane, but something about the man seemed hauntingly familiar. Jensen licked his lips and tried to speak.

The sasquatch, Jared, eased to the side of the bed and carefully swung his leg down. “Jensen I know this must seem insane, but I am Jared and you bought me and brought me home and told me all your troubles and – and, I love you man. I’ve slowly fallen completely head over heels for you. I’ve talked to you every night, whispered words of encouragement in your ear. I just want all the best for you. If this is too weird, just take me back to the Cocklate Factory and I’ll get Charlie to change me back. I’d rather be with you as a simple dildo than not at all. I want to be in your life, Jensen, whatever way I can.”

Jensen swallowed. Even Jared’s voice sounded familiar, and he realized it was because this was the voice that had been urging him on for the last few weeks, giving him the confidence to hunt for a job he loved, not just a job to survive on. And, who else would know he got Jared at the Cocklate factory… and if he could somehow believe that Jared was his Jared, how could he ever condemn him to life as a dildo again?

“You would do that for me?” Jensen finally ended up croaking. “Become a thing again, just to be near me?”

Jared grimaced, his lips twitching, and then wide earnest eyes stared up at Jensen. “If that’s all I could have, yes. A million times yes, because you made me a better man than I was, Jensen, even when I was only a dildo.”

“I couldn’t do that to you, to anyone. If you really are my Jared, what were we going to do tonight?” Jensen arched a brow at Jared and Jared broke out into a wide mischievous grin.

“Hey that’s easy man, we were going to celebrate your new job.” Dimples appeared on the big man’s face and Jensen decided that in a situation this insanely improbable, it was better to simply go along.

Jensen’s bowed his head, unable to hold Jared’s intense gaze and listen anymore to his wildly improbable story. There had to be a more logical explanation for how Jared knew everything he did. Jensen wanted to believe his crazy story, really he did, but the he wanted to believe in Santa too. This was the grown up world he lived in and maybe Jared simply belonged in a padded room. Jensen grimaced, his chin slumping against his chest in despair then his gaze caught on something and suddenly Jensen knew everything was going to be alright.

“And instead, you saved my life.” Jensen tipped his head to the side and gazed at the beautiful man in front of him, “How can I ever repay that?”

“You believe me?” Jared’s voice was almost a squeak as his head reared up to gaze wide-eyed at Jensen.

“Well I finally realized that the proof of your story was staring me right in the face.” Jensen chuckled and gestured towards Jared’s rapidly filling cock.

“Who else would be packing such a perfect copy of the Jared 3000?”

Jensen could see the relieved look on Jared’s face. Then a wide grin began to fill his face. “Well, you know to be absolutely certain, we could see if the real Jared lives up to the dildo?” Jared waggled his eyebrows mischievously and Jensen’s last doubts were swept away. His arms wrapped around Jared’s neck and he leaned in for their first kiss.

“Hmm, good idea. So, was The Jared life sized? Or bigger?”

“You’ll just have to find out for yourself,” Jared grinned and pulled Jensen the rest of the way in for a kiss.

The End

  
^^ Comments sincerely appreciated, no matter when you read this story.


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